Movie Renter's
Guide
Current Movies - Part 6 - February, 1996
By John E. Johnson, Jr.
Ratings: | ||
Extraordinary | ||
Good | ||
Acceptable | ||
Mediocre | ||
Poor |
"Clueless", Paramount Pictures,
1995, Color, Filmed spherically and matted to measured aspect
ratio (laserdisc) 1.76:1, Surround Sound, 1 Hr 37 min, Rated
PG-13; Alicia Silverstone; A delightful comedy about teenagers in
Beverly Hills, using every valley girl cliché known to mankind.
If you have teenage kids, you will understand that they really do
talk like this. Example: when my own daughter was 17, she called
me from her car phone and asked me to start her bath because she
was running late. In the film, cellular phones are constantly
ringing on the campus, and two 16 year old girls - Cher and Dion
- attempt to makeover a new student, as well as play cupid for a
couple of teachers. You will need your children to translate the
lexicon for you. Some memorable lines include, "Here is my
house. The columns date back to 1972," and, "Take good
care of my daughter on your date tonight because I have a 45 and
a shovel" (not exact quotations, but close enough).
Entertainment: Video Quality: Audio: Photography: Violence: no Sex: no Language: the "S" word
"Waterworld", Universal Pictures,
1995, Color, Filmed spherically and matted to measured aspect
ratio (laserdisc) 1.81:1, Surround Sound, THX, 2 Hr 16 min, Rated
PG-13; Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Jeanne Tripplehorn; In the
future where the polar ice caps have melted, the earth is covered
with water, but the legend of "Dryland" still lives. In
the meantime, everyone lives on "atolls", little
floating cities of garbage that cost the movie studio a fortune.
Inhabitants dress accordingly. The Mariner (Costner) boards an
atoll, buys some water and a tomato plant, is sentenced to
execution because he happens to sport a few gills, escapes, and
runs off with a woman (Tripplehorn) and a little girl who has a
tatoo which is a map to the Dryland. Being chased by the one eyed
Deacon (Hopper) is no fun, and Mariner slaps the girls around in
between anti-aircraft cannon fire ripping his boat apart. They
finally locate Dryland (nice place, since the movie was filmed in
Hawaii). I only have one comment: they should have taken the
millions of dollars spent on this movie and given it to the
homeless, the real ones I mean, not the extras in the movie.
Entertainment: Video Quality: Audio: Photography: (composition is too tight) Violence: yes Sex: partial nudity Language: the "S" word
"First Knight", Columbia Pictures,
1995, Color, Filmed spherically and matted to measured aspect
ratio (laserdisc) 1.78:1, Surround Sound, THX, 2 Hr 13 min, Rated
PG-13; Sean Connery, Richard Gere, Julia Ormond, Ben Cross; King
Arthur (Connery) is tired of wars and wants to get married so he
can live the good life in Camelot. Nasty old Malagant (Ben Cross)
is jealous and starts burning and pillaging. Arthur doesn't
particularly care for that. Malagant kidnaps Arthurs bride,
Guinevere (Ormond). Arthur REALLY doesn't care for that, and he
retires to the cathedral to pray. Meanwhile, Lancelot (Gere), a
fight-for-pay vagabond, decides to save the girl, just for the
heck of it (well, OK, he saw her in the forest, and it was love
at first sight). Malagant returns to Camelot, and is he ticked!
No king, let alone a vagabond, is going to ruin his party. Amidst
swords clanging, kick boxing routines, and bodies falling off of
parapets, the battles conclude. A corpse sails into the sunset,
aflame. Guess who?
Entertainment: Video Quality: Audio: (a bit harsh, but the surround is wonderful) Photography: Violence: yes Sex: no Language: no (speaking of language, don't you think the studio could have come up with a Lancelot who speaks with an English accent?)
"Under Siege 2: Dark Territory",
Warner Brothers, 1995, Color, Filmed spherically and matted to
measured aspect ratio (laserdisc) 1.77:1, Surround Sound, 1 Hr 40
min, Rated R; Steven Segal, Eric Bogosian, Katherine Heigl; Casey
Ryback (Segal), ex-Navy Seal, is back . . . cooking up something
special (literally) for his niece on a train, when, out of
nowhere, a group of terrorists have hijacked the train and setup
a rolling satellite dish to control a very powerful weapon
orbiting in space. Back at the US command station, the brass hats
want to know who has taken control of the weapon. Turns out to be
the man that designed it, and whom . . . whoops . . . they fired
some time ago. Now the best line of the movie. "Why did you
hire this maniac?" asks the Admiral. "Because no sane
person would build such a weapon," answers the CIA.
Meanwhile, back at the train . . . one by one, the terrorists are
going down, against the walls, out the windows, into the stove .
. . "No one beats me in the kitchen," says Ryback
(second best line in the movie). The terrorists offer to blow up
Washington in exchange for one gigabuck to be deposited in the
proverbial Swiss bank account. The client? The Middle East of
course. This is a very good action film, nice special effects,
and it is great to see the Stealths are useful for something. The
plot is absurd though. It is time for Hollywood to come up with a
new generic enemy. This constant sand innuendo is not conducive
to world peace.
Entertainment: Video Quality: Audio: Photography: Violence: a Steven Segal movie? Oh yes. Sex: partial nudity Language: the "F" and "S" words
"The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill but Came
Down a Mountain", Miramax Films, 1995, Color, Filmed
anamorphically at measured aspect ratio (laserdisc) 2.27:1,
Surround Sound, 1 Hr 36 min, Rated PG; Hugh Grant, Tara
Fitzgerald, Colm Meaney; In 1917, while WW-I rages, two
cartographers (map makers) arrive in Llanrhaeadr-ym-Mochnant, a
small town in Wales. Their assignment is to measure the height of
Ffynnon Garw and to classify it as either a mountain (>1000
feet) or a hill (<1000 feet). The townspeople have always
considered it a mountain, and when the measurement turns out to
be 984 feet, they get into an uproar. While keeping the
cartographers' car in a constant need of repair (so they can't
leave), and preoccupying the younger of the two (Mr. Anson - Hugh
Grant) with the flirtations of Miss Elizabeth (Tara Fitzgerald),
the townspeople move dirt and sod (from the game field) up the
"hill" to turn it back into a mountain. This is
apparently a true story, and such tales are usually quite
entertaining when made into movies. Modestly done in this case.
Entertainment: Video Quality: Audio: Photography: Violence: no Sex: no Language: no
Other laserdiscs viewed but not reviewed formally:
A Dangerous Woman: Bad Boys: Flesh and Bone: The Real McCoy: Something to Talk About: The Net:
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Secrets of Home Theater & High Fidelity
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