Daily Blog – John E. Johnson, Jr. – April 1, 2008: I HAVE DECIDED TO RETIRE AS EDITOR OF SECRETS.

I have decided to retire as Editor-in-Chief of Secrets.

It has been a long and agonizing decision.

I am tired of having really good equipment, so will be selling it all and getting some of those modular speakers that sell at Best-Buy for about $99.

I mean, I can’t hear anything anyway, so why should I keep the really good, large, expensive stuff?

After I turn the magazine over to someone else, I plan to develop a variety of tulip that is red, with green and black circles on the sides. Already have the first ones growing now, and am waiting for the bulbs to sprout so I can market them.

Maybe open a Mexican restaurant too. I really like cooking with beef, corn, tomatoes, and cheese. I will offer a $6.99 lunch plate with your choice of tamale or enchilada, accompanied by steaming refried beans and rice. The only choice for the salad dressing will be Thousand Island. That is the only one I like. And, I will be able to design the restroom the way they should be in restaurants, with at least three stalls, and music playing really loud so no one will be embarrased about the noises they are making.

I may go into politics and run for a seat in Congress. I have a lot of pork barrel bills that I want to introduce. The first one will be $538,000,000 for lighted street signs on all four corners of every street in California. I just can’t read the small, unlighted ones that are there now.

I will also introduce a bill that mandates at least one gun shop in every neighborhood. I think 9mm semi-automatics should be readily available to everyone.

So, to all of our readers, you have a nice April 1, you hear?

 JJ